Bleh.

My lack of motivation and inspiration to make some artwork is really starting to bother me. And because the fact that I don't really (okay, I don't) have any pencils to draw with doesn't help much either. My days just basically consist of the same things anymore. I get off of work, I go to bed, I go back to work. That's about it. Even on my days off I tend to just generally sleep. It's kind of sad and almost lazy, but I'm just so tired all of the time. Granted, there are some days when Troy comes over or I go down to his place and spend the night, but of course I'm focused on spending time with him and not producing anything. I dunno, perhaps someday. I'm just not really sure when that's going to be and when I'm going to get out of this "phase".

Anywho...

Something remotely interesting happened the other day; I finally gathered up the courage to call my mother. I mean, yesterday had been exactly a month since I've heard from her and considering I hadn't, I figured I'd do the right thing and see what she was up to. So, after toying back and forth with the idea I decided to give her a call at work. She didn't pick up, but I left her a voicemail basically saying "Hey, I just wanted to see how you were doing, I haven't heard from you in a while, give me a call back if you want." So, probably five minutes later she did and we talked for a little bit and she didn't sound upset or anything, which was what I was honestly preparing myself for. But no, she had a very nice tone with me and she was very glad I had called. Apparently I the day I left her that message to let her know what was going on in my life, she immediately sent me an e-mail as a reply to it, but I had never received it because she sent it to my Yahoo account, which is the one I never use and is devoted only to spam. So, naturally, she kind of interpreted it that I was upset with her, but I simply didn't know she e-mailed it to my other account. And I had the misunderstanding that she was upset with me because I thought that she didn't even make any sort of effort to contact me. All in all, it was just a mild misunderstanding between the both of us, but out of curiosity I asked her if she could send that e-mail to my Comcast account (the only e-mail address I actually use and check up on). Eh, I think I'll just post it rather than talk about what it consisted of...

Hello Kristen. I got your voicemail message this morning. I can't quite tell from it if you are seeking my approval for your decisions, or if you are looking for an argument. I'm not interested in giving you either one.

The situation that has and does exist is that your choices are about you. My choices are about me and what I need. What falls into my morals? What falls into my beliefs? What gives me peace? What gives me comfort?

I love you. I don't love your lifestyle. There is a difference.

I have to be at peace in my life. Having your lifestyle in my life will not give me peace. You have made your decisions and I accept them and I have made my decisions and you need to accept them. None of this makes you wrong and me right or you bad and me good.

Take care and good luck to you.

Love,
Mom

I'm still not entirely sure how my lifestyle seems so "rebellious" and "awful" as it seems to be portrayed, but nonetheless, I've learned to "accept" what she wants and it's cool that she's willing to do the same for me. I called her again when she got off of work and we talked for a while and I basically came up with the conclusion that apart we're living our own lives, but when we are actually spending time together, that time is for us and it's up to us to keep our lives back at home out of each others'. Or so that's what I gather from it.

So, yeah, that's pretty much what has been going on lately.