(If you don't care about what's going on my life currently, then don't read. It's just that simple...)

I'm sick and tired of being upset and angry. That's all I've really been feeling for about the past week.

It all has to do with my roommate/supposed "best friend"...

Lately I've felt like we're not even close anymore. One minute she'll be all happy and we'll be talking and everything'll be great, and then the next she won't even say as much as two words to me for the whole day. The other day I randomly went to her MySpace page and was very disappointed to find out that I was nowhere to be found in her top friends (keep in mind I've been up there forever, practically) and that apparently she can't "talk to me/tell me anything" anymore. What the fuck. (I know you all are probably thinking "It's just MySpace. Who cares about "Top Friends drama"?" but I can't really help it. We've been "best" friends since the first grade.) So that just sort of confirmed the lack of closeness and everything as of late, so I took it upon myself to text her at work just to give her a head's up that I wanted to talk to her when she got home. Her reply was "What is there to talk about?", which really isn't a good way to start a conversation. Apparently there's something wrong and apparently there's something I want to discuss. At the very least, she could have worded that differently and could have said something like "What do you want to talk about?". So, I told her what was on my mind, that I felt like we're not best friends anymore and I wanted to see what was up. Out of nowhere, she accused me of "lying" and that I should "stop with the runaround games and just get to the point". That really pissed me off because I already said what was going on and why the fuck would I be lying? That's a shitty thing to accuse when she's known me for as long as she has and that I naturally try to be an honest person to the best of my ability. And then she just sort of kept going and said a bunch of dumb shit and accusations like "Well now you know how I feel when you changed for Troy so don't be pointing fingers when your hands are just as dirty" and "You're just mad because Chris and I are happy."

Urgh, lemme backtrack...

First of all, I have never changed for Troy and nor will I ever change for anybody. She told me herself at one point that "You're the exact same girl that you are before you met him and you'll always be that way". Pssh.

Also, I don't know if any of you recall me mentioning the stupid drama and bullshit that went along with Chris, but she ended up getting back together with him a couple of weeks ago, which I thought was a really bad move (along with the rest of my friends). Granted, I don't really like him and what he had done to her, but as long as he appears to be treating her decently, then who cares? Why would I be mad that they're happy? I'm, well, happy that things are going well so far. And besides, I have Troy, so there's no need for me to get jealous and "sit and brood in my room all day" or whatever the fuck else I'm accused of doing.

Anyway, that just really rubbed me the wrong thing and I stated the above things to her and finally just mentioned that if she wants to talk, that I'm here and arguing through text messaging is just pointless and stupid. "Well, you started it and I'm ending it now." For your information, I started NOTHING, unless trying to work things out and say what's been bugging me is "something I've started". So I told her that I started nothing and that we'll finish it later if she wants to talk. Yeah, "talking" still hasn't happened...

Troy came over yesterday since I had the day off and he wanted to spend the night. I informed him of what was going on and I was really frustrated because I didn't know what to do. Her attitude was completely uncalled for; this is why I don't like confrontation, especially to her. It seems that no matter how nice I'm going about the matter, she always bites my head off over the dumbest shit. For a while, I kind of had this mentality of "she better shape the fuck up or get the fuck out" but I know that her "getting out" isn't an option, no matter how much I want it to be. I can't afford a place on my own, I can't go back to my mother's, Troy's not ready for us to live together again (unfortunately because I'm more than ready) and I don't have a "back up" roommate, persay. So, I guess that resorts to us getting along, which I don't really know if that's going on right now because she's refusing to talk to me...

She randomly dipped out of the house for about six hours without even saying so much as where she's going or when she's coming back. I know she thinks I do that because she thinks I'm being "an obsessive mother", but I'm really not. Keeping people informed of where you're going and stuff is just common courtesy, not being "obsessive". Plus, there's the dog and I don't know when it's been out and I don't want to have to get stuck taking care of it; it's not my responsibility and if that's what you wanted, the least you can do is ask.

Anywho, I found out that she was with my friend Holly the whole time who came over and we talked for a little while and she got to hear my side of the story. (I know she wasn't there to say who was right and who was wrong; she was just there to listen. Although to most of my friends I'm considered the listener, sometimes I need people to listen to me for a change.) I guess she pretty much told me that apparently Mollie feels like she can't approach me because I'm always sleeping or whatever (dumb reason, I know) and that the only time I want to talk is if I want to know where she's going (which isn't true). I basically told Holly that I'm always here to listen, she just has to approach me and say what's going on. I had been wanting to talk to Mollie all day yesterday, but I've been waiting for her to come to me, since I felt I had already said what I wanted to say and now it's just up to her. Well, Holly and Troy said that waiting's going to get me nowhere, so I decided to briefly talk to her this morning when I was getting ready to take a shower. I pretty much said that I'm always here if she wants to talk and that I know she thinks I'm sleeping all the time (taking into consideration what Holly told me) but I'm always here nonetheless. The only thing I really got out of her was an "I know you are" (and not in a very nice tone, either) and that's about as far as that conversation went.

So, what can I say? I've tried. I feel like all I can do. I really don't know what else to do, to be honest. I hate when it seems like we're giving each other the silent treatment, but it's kind of hard to talk to somebody if the other person isn't willing to do the same. I just don't know what to do anymore...